Relationship Advice and Coaching For Singles Wanting True Love


Consum-mate: Helping Singles Create Lasting, Intimate Relationships

Dear Dating Coach - November 3, 2003

Are you a single adult looking for help with a meeting, dating, relating, (or other) relationship issue? If so, write to Toni@consum-mate.com. Each week she will answer selected questions here in her Dear Dating Coach Column.

 

Thanksgiving is a Holiday for Everyone

Q. Thanksgiving is approaching. It seems that every year at this time I begin to feel a sense of dread as I think about this holiday. I come from a small family and other than an unmarried Aunt, I’m the only single adult. It’s expected that I will make the trip “home” and participate in all the family rituals. However, I always feel on the sidelines and different from everyone else. By the time it’s over, I’m anxious to get back to my own home and relieved to have gotten through it.

What am I doing wrong? Do other single adults feel this way, and how do they handle it? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

A. There are many singles who report similar experiences. It seems that during the time leading up to turkey day, there are often mixed emotions. After all, it’s nice to get together with loved ones and celebrate a tradition that has always been a part of your family life. There is also a hope that somehow this year will “be different” and that you will meet some of your basic needs through this sharing and connectedness.

Then the reality comes. It feels just the same as last year, maybe worse, because another year has gone by.

What you are probably doing “wrong” is not setting a careful and realistic plan that specifically addresses your needs. You are assuming that by having a positive attitude and showing up, things will be different (better). Not likely.

A good plan for Thanksgiving should address:

  • length of time you spend with family
  • setting realistic expectations for what you hope to experience
  • your need for time with other singles, doing things that will help you to feel connected to the singles community. This one involves making separate plans with solo friends; before, after and during Thanksgiving.
  • Staying focused on the good things in your life and giving thanks for these

Like most things in life, this Thanksgiving will be what you make it to be. So, begin NOW to plan a holiday that offers meaning, sharing and happiness to you - a single adult.

 

© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.


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