The question that was probably on everyone’s mind when the news broke is; “How will Brad react to this?” After all, Ms. Jolie is a strikingly beautiful woman who epitomizes sex appeal and glamour- and a double-mastectomy is definitely not viewed as a procedure that enhances a woman’s beauty and sexiness-but maybe it should be. After all, anyone who has lost a loved one or close friend to cancer knows just how cruel the disease is to one’s overall appearance, and level of energy and vitality. By taking steps to prevent it, Ms. Jolie and others help to ensure that they have many more years of good health, time with their loved ones and happy love. Now that’s a beautiful choice.

However, most of us know or can guess that women facing a similar decision usually struggle with the fear that their partner, or if they are not married, men who they may meet and want to date- would be less attracted or outright reject them due to their having had this surgery. Just the thought of it has probably contributed to some women avoiding the issue altogether by skipping the testing and hoping that if they ignore it, they won’t fall victim to it As a therapist, I have worked with woman who have gotten a diagnosis and along with the usual fear of what will happen to their body is the fear of how their spouse, significant other or single men they meet might will feel about it and about them in light of it.

Therefore Ms. Jolie’s decision to go public could have a very positive impact on women who may be at risk. As she moves through the recovery phase and back into her life, glamorous red carpet walks and all- women will redefine what sexy is, and realize that good physical and emotional health is a huge turn-on to men. It will also be up to men to look beneath the surface and really see the beautiful woman in front of them- inside and out.

Another element here is his impulsivity. In his case, it appears that he did not do a lot of planning before the abductions. They were crimes of opportunity during which he saw a young female and decided to go for it. His behavior is similar to what we see with some serial killers. There are ones who stalk and plan their abductions and kills- and those who don’t. What is unique here is that he didn’t kill them. Since there was no planning, it was likely that once he had used them he would dispose of them- but he did not. He did abuse them (torture actually) physically, psychologically and sexually. The behavior reported so far also has an element of impulsivity and desperation to it- as when he starved and beat one victim in order to cause miscarriages. He could have ended her life, but never went that far. Some might think this was due to some emotional attachment- but more likely it was due to a block. He just couldn’t or wouldn’t take that final step. We can speculate that it’s because he has daughters of his own or that killing requires something he just didn’t have, not yet anyway. We might never know for sure.

What we do know is what he did and what he is telling the police and FBI about those years- and we know that he knew what he did was wrong. This is apparent in his words in an old “suicide” note found in his home and in what he has told authorities. He referred to himself as “cold-blooded” which implies that he was incapable of feeling any guilt or remorse over what he was doing to his victims, which is true. This is what we see with sociopaths.
It’s likely that he’s telling the truth about having been abused himself, however that is not an excuse. There are many good parents, spouses, teachers and other adults who were abused as children who did not grow up to be monsters like those who preyed on him. He had choices to get help and he chose to have victims instead.

There is no sure way to tell if your neighbor, co-worker, friend, relative, or that attractive guy you just met offline or on- is capable of something like this. However, there are always red flags and warning signs- and more of these will come to light as details of this crime continue to emerge. The boogey man is out there and we and those we love are always at risk of being the victim of a crime of opportunity.

Stay safe by being cautious, taking it slow, saying no to strangers, tuning into your instincts- and remembering that for Ariel Castro and monsters like him- this is not just about sex.

Once upon a time before social media- their publicists would handle all rumors and breaking news. Usually the advice was to ignore the whisperings and let things die down, then make an announcement and folks would talk for a while, but it would blow over quickly. It was not advised to make any public statements until you had your talking points and story all ironed out.

All of that was before social media. Now celebrity individuals and couples can tweet their response to a rumor, denying and setting the record straight and/or adding more detail and explanation. Just this past week, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne and Will and Jada Smith did just that. Both denied they were in splitsville and reassured folks that they were either working on their issue or hadn’t meant something they said to come out the way it did. Needless to say, their publicists were probably not happy at all. These are certainly two long term marriages by Hollywood standards- and just as a personal observation, both wives use their husband’s last names, which is also unusual. Maybe someone should do study that measures how many celebrity women who take their spouse’s last names keep their marriages together longer. If they do, you will hear all about it here.

Ready for Love, Find Me My Man, and Dates from Hell are here and word out on the street is that they could make confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes of many of their viewers. Ready For love and Find Me My Man attempt to connect daters using the help of a matchmaker -so far, sounds good. The problem appears to be with the women candidates who are vying to be the bachelor’s pick. Their behavior is way out there and even with coaching from the matchmaker, it’s hard to imagine any guy wanting to bring any of them home to the folks, or to a work function or to an activity with friends, or anywhere else.

Dates from Hell has just begun its second season and if nothing else- it’s a cautionary tale about just how wrong a date can go. Any dating singles who watch this show could very well end up choosing to stay at home with a good book, an old movie, their pet- or all of the above. The only reason for the existence of such a show is to let folks know that they need to be very careful and choose wisely who they meet, where, and when- and to walk away at the first sign of any red flag. If you are looking for a good horror story- this should do just fine.

If you decide to check any or all of these out, you may walk away with a new appreciation for decorum, grace, class, manners and “nice” guys and girls. Thinking about the old days of dating could suddenly make you nostalgic. Corny and predictable could become your new dating mantra. Heck, you could walk away from your TV with a new appreciation of that just Ok man or woman you encounter frequently, but don’t think much of. Maybe that’s the point- these shows were designed to help us take a step back and really appreciated all the great single people we see every day.

Fast forward to now when many boomers are single again after a marriage has ended through divorce or death- and they are out there dating for the first time in many years. The whole landscape is different- there are new rules, expectations, shifting roles, a lot of casual hook-ups with no strings, and there is much to relearn. Too bad the learning doesn’t start with a caution about how prevalent STD’s have become, and not just among the young.

There seems to be an assumption among boomers that older people are safer due to their long years of monogamy- and too often folks believe that if they are dating another boomer who is recently single, there is no risk. It only takes one casual encounter to put anyone at risk, whether they are 19 or 69. Casual sex is in and it’s everywhere, even amongst the gray haired set.

As a psychotherapist who works with many boomers I have encountered this quite a bit. I often find myself discussing risks with my older clients like I used to do with my very young ones. They are often surprised and unaware that this is something they will need to be on guard about.

Regardless of how old you are, how long it has been since you last dated, how old or recently attached/unattached your perspective partners are- you need to approach any sexual encounter with great caution. It just isn’t worth it - trust me, I hear the stories every day.

This should be a cautionary tale for anyone out there in the dating world. Dating can be an extreme sport and with so many folks now being introduced virtually, safety concerns should become even more important. Jodi and Travis actually met at a conference and she converted to Mormonism for him a few months after they began dating- however, the jealousy issues were there and probably should have been a bigger red flag for Travis. He broke up with her but continued the hook ups, apparently thinking he could have his fun with no strings. Like most men he probably didn’t even consider that she could be a threat- after all, she was woman. Guns are the great equalizers- along with knives if the guy doesn’t see it coming.

Women are more cautious because of the accepted physical advantage that men have- however they also take risks and trust too fast and easily. Some get by unscathed, but who knows how many near misses happen all the time- interrupted by a quirk of fate, good timing or other circumstance that keeps the unthinkable from happening. We hear about all the cases where nothing came along to interrupt someone who was intent on harm- yet too often we think it only happens to someone else. It has to happen to someone, so why not you or me?

Play it safe, tune into your gut and pay close attention to any red flags- and patterns involving them. There are bad people out there who are not what they appear to be and no matter how attracted you feel or how much fun they are to be around- they could be hiding a deep disturbance or potential for evil.

So what will have changed? It’s possible that Tiger’s first marriage failed because he was young, rather inexperienced at relationships and life in general- and that his rapid rise to fame put him in situations and around people he was ill-equipped to deal with. When folks marry very young, they almost have to get lucky to make a match that will last through all the changes that a long relationship brings. Add this to increased time apart, a lot of attention from an adoring public, and sudden wealth- and any marriage would be tested.

What is different here is that Tiger has this very bad experience behind him, which should have taught him a few important life lessons. He has had to work his way back and prove himself to people as he struggled to get his game back on and stay strong and focused throughout the scandal and its aftermath. He has had to rebuild trust with many people and accept that some relationships will never be the same. He has learned who his real friends are and are not- and how many of those women he risked his marriage and career for were quick to throw him under the bus. This time he may have identified and will probably be looking for something in a relationship that was missing the first time- because our past relationships teach us about what we value and why we are attracted to who we are and if the attraction is a positive or negative one for us.

One obvious difference here is that Lindsey is an accomplished athlete herself. She understands the demands, has to deal with all the fame and attention, and has a passion that she has worked hard to excel at, and that has helped shape her identity and given her a framework for her life. This is what she and Tiger share and it is significant. Apparently they have also been friends for some time and that gives them a great foundation for an intimate relationship.

In this season of redemption why don’t we give Tiger the benefit of the doubt and withhold judgment about his new relationship. If things work out, it wouldn’t be the first time that someone was able to make a success of their relationships post divorce. Lindsey may be just what he needs to be the best man he can be.

MeetMeAtTheAirport entices visitors with romanticized come-ons about sharing drinks and conversation or even a nice dinner in the safety of a busy, and very public environment. It emphasizes that you will meet and encounter people who are from your geographic area and therefore have the opportunity to see them repeatedly, allowing for the possibility that love airport style, could blossom and grow. If you are a frequent flyer, you could work first dates into airport wait times that will always give you an out should you want one when your flight’s wheels are about to go up. They are also a great time saver for all you busy folks who have difficulty working fun and romance into your overbooked schedules and lives.

If you are really looking for excitement consider international dating, made possible by choosing to connect with flyers from abroad. The word adventure comes up often on this site – after all what is more adventurous than hooking up with strangers you may never see again in a place as public and transitory as an airport? Let’s face it, you can have a fun fling and if you decide you never want to see him/her again, it should be easy not to.

So for all you adventurous types or those who have all but given up on traditional meeting and dating, this could be just that something you have been looking for. You can check it out on http://meetattheairport.com/

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If you are single and involved in online dating or dating the old fashioned way- this information could give you an inside track on who is available in your area, what they are into, where they like to go, and what activities or interests they are most likely to pursue. Armed with this information, you would have an edge on where the kind of guy/girl you are looking for could be found. If you meet someone online, you would have some good ideas when arranging that first offline meeting.

If you are in a relationship, HowAboutWe can help you to arrange great dates in your area by making suggestions, getting tickets or reservations or assisting you in other ways through their free concierge service. Now this is a dating site with more.

Gathering as much Intel as you can before you jump into serious dating or making sure you regularly connect and have fun with your partner can help you have a more fun and healthy dating and relationship life. Check it out at http://www.HowAboutWe.com

Of course, everyone has always had their favorites, and there have always been “fan favorites,” who often end up being the next Bachelor or Bachelorette. It appears that virtually everything is ratings driven. Sean was a fan favorite on Emily’s season and has been popular as a hunky nice guy who doesn’t have any of those “nice guy” traits that don’t appeal to most women- ones like unassertive, lacking in confidence, lacking intensity and the ability to push back. We all know them and hate when we find a guy who is nice, but too “nice.”

Now that Sean is down to his final two, bets are being taken and everyone has their favorite pick. Of course, there is reality Steve, who predicted quite some time ago that Catherine would be the winner and Lindsay would be sent home broken hearted. Since Lindsay is a current fan favorite- getting sent home might be the best thing that happens to her as she could end up the next Bachelorette.

It’s anyone’s guess why the show is gaining traction among viewers. Perhaps because there have finally been a couple of matches that have lasted. There have also been a number of successful couplings that have resulted from contestants from different seasons meeting at reunion parties and functions and finding love- the old fashioned way.

Next week we get to see who Sean chose and watch them together as they discuss how their relationship has progressed since the cameras stopped running. If reality Steve is correct, they are engaged and planning to marry this summer. Now that would be a first.