Newly published research in the journal Demography reinforces the belief that women move more often for their spouse’s career than vice versa—but the reasons they cite are new to the debate. What they found is that women enter professions that allow them to be more flexible geographically in order to move or accommodate other needs in their life—especially those of the family. In other words, their careers are more portable, whereas their spouses tend to choose jobs that are tied to a specific location and often have to move in order to get that promotion. It’s interesting to note that even single women tend to move less frequently than single men do—because the careers they choose are more flexible.
None of this means it is easy on the spouse. Her career is impacted and since she has to be the one to make more sacrifices, it puts more strain on their marriage. However, women do choose to do this due most likely to the expectations and norms they were raised with and a woman’s natural tendency to think in terms of the “we” not the “I”. That it continues to occur when women are better educated (more women are earning bachelor’s degrees than men) and more successful in their careers is especially interesting. Maybe it’s not just society influencing it, but something deeper in women themselves. After all, women fought for choice and this is what they are choosing.
What seems doubly unfair is that women who choose more male dominated professions that require moving have a higher divorce rate than women in more flexible careers. So if women move for their spouse, their career can suffer. If they need to move, their marriage could suffer. What is that well-worn line recited over and over again by feminists about “having it all?” if you could fall for that I have this awesome bridge for sale that I would like to show you.
Should this mean women are doomed either way and should give up their career goals and aspirations? No it doesn’t. We just need to remember that there is NO SUCH THING as having it all all at the same time. We will have to give up something to get something, but in the end what we have could bring us great satisfaction. Isn’t that what it is really about for women—finding a balance that allows us to fulfill our deep needs for connection and (often) children, while not giving up on the challenges and triumphs that come with a career we love and have a real talent for?
Want to read the study? You can find it here
