The Art of Intimacy
A Newsletter for Searching Singles
January 2008
The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it creates intimacy and intimacy creates understanding and understanding creates love.
Anais Nin
In This Issue:
- WELCOME
- Quick Survey
- QUOTE OF THE MONTH
- FEATURED (Guest) ARTICLE: A Valentine's Day Meditation
- End Notes
_____________________________________________
- WELCOME
Let me begin with a quick note about spam. We at Consum-mate do not send out any unsolicited mail. Our list has become very large and we work hard to keep it properly maintained and accurate. We do not sign anyone up unless they have requested this from us in writing. Therefore, if you receive any mailing from us that you did not sign up for, please go to:
http://www.consum-mate.com/newslet.htm
Scroll down and click on "unsubscribe&#xu201D; which will allow you to put in your email and be removed immediately. In addition, if you get mailings throughout the months that say they are from us and have suspicious or unfamiliar things written in the subject line, they are not from us. Again, we work hard to keep our list protected, but it is not possible for anyone to do this 100% of the time. We need your help.
Thank You.
With Valentine's Day just a few weeks away, I thought it might be useful to feature an original article that I recently received- that is written by the authors of "The Essence of Tantric Sexuality.&#xu201D; It offers an interesting view of romantic love, through the eyes of a different culture. It explains the model of Tantric partnerships- where love is based not on that intense physical chemistry that is s o highlighted in western culture- but on, "effort and mutual assistance, in which two people are equals, with neither one regarding the other as inferior or as an object to be manipulated for selfish purposes...&#xu201D; Perhaps it will help you to view your attractions and past relationships through a new lens, or if you are presently in a relationship- to provide you
with some thoughts on how to enrich, energize and deepen it.
For those of you who are solo this Valentine's Day- here is an article that may be useful to you:
http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/03feb.htm#feature
If you need focused help with your dating/relationship life, consider coaching. I offer assistance from one session up, depending upon your needs. I can help you explore your relationship history and identify what may have been working against you and contributing to a lack of success moving to the next stage. You can view my services at: http://www.consum-mate.com/services.htm.
I also offer eclasses that provide tools for developing relationship readiness, more effective meeting and dating skills and productive and satisfying use of communication. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm.
Want to jazz up your online profile, get feedback on what is working/not working in your approach, or have a new one written for you? Email Toni@consum-mate.com for details on how I can help.
If you are looking for articles that offer a lot of free dating help and advice, you can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm. If you haven't clicked on our surveys, consider doing so. We are always looking for your input in order to provide what you need most. These can be found on:
http://www.consum-mate.com/survey.htm or http://www.consum-mate.com/site-survey.htm
Please consider taking the survey located just below. Thanks.
Whatever your relationship needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.
A big thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter. Consider forwarding it to a single friend or loved one who may be in need of some relationship building advice.
- Quick Survey
For any new subscribers or anyone who hasn't done it yet, but would like to- I'd really appreciate if you could take a minute to do the following survey. The best way to send is to copy and paste just survey into an email form and then put "yes" or "no" after each one, followed by a number.
Thanks in advance for any feedback you offer.
1. Which of the following topics hold a real interest for you and would be something you would want to know more about? Please answer "yes" or "no"
Please rank in order from 1 through 11- 1 being the highest interest
Bad boys
Relationship chemistry
Nice guys
Understanding attraction
Groomzilla and the Myth Of Happily Ever After
Hooked On the Wrong Chemistry
Serial dating
Understanding and Overcoming negative Relationship Patterns
Dating myths, rituals and rules
Tired of Bad Boys/Girls? Change Your Attraction
2. What relationship issues (below) would you be interested in getting help with, or more good information on? Please answer yes or no and rank from 1 through 13, 1 being the one of greatest interest to you.
Negative relationship history
Attraction to wrong type
Love bad boys/girls
Commitment phobia
Not over a past relationship
Fear of settling
Problem meeting compatible people to date
Never meet people of real interest
Don't understand flirting/attraction
History of serial dating- "relationships&#xu201D; last 1-3 dates
Attract people you are not interested in and vice versa
Are shy- need help with conversation?
Would like to speak body language- know how to read other people
Need help with online dating- profiles, how to take relationship offline
Rush too fast into sex or hurry relationship
Don't know/aren't sure of what you are looking for?
Don't know what to say/do after first few dates
Roles/expectations for men and women in dating
Relationships go from hot to cold- and you are clueless
When/how to move a relationship towards commitment
- How old are you?
- What gender are you?
THANKS
3. QUOTE OF THE MONTH
"These are my three wives; Pestilence, Famine and Death. Do you think I married them for their personalities? Their personalities could shatter entire planets. Arranged marriages, every one. But they worked out, they inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here, seventy-five light years away.&#xu201D;
-Londo,
4. FEATURED ARTICLE
A Valentine's Day Meditation on Love, Sex and Relationships
By Mark A. Michaels (Swami Umeshanand Saraswati)
and Patricia Johnson (Devi Veenanand)
Authors of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality
Tantra is an ancient Indian spiritual tradition that recognizes human sexuality as one avenue among many for achieving mystical experience. Although the number of Tantric texts that deal directly with sexual activity is quite small, most Westerners associate Tantra with love, sex, and relationships. While Western ideas about Tantra are thus somewhat misguided, if you can bring a Tantric sensibility to love and relationship, your love life will be richer and more fulfilling.
Celebrating Valentine's Day is controversial in 21st-century
The Western belief that romantic love is the prerequisite for an enduring relationship is a relatively recent phenomenon that evolved gradually over centuries. The troubadours of twelfth century Provinces celebrated romantic love, often unrequited, for the wives of other men. The Saint Valentine's Day holiday has its origins in Roman fertility rites and medieval French midwinter celebrations inspired by beliefs about the mating of birds. Charles the Duke of Orleans sent the first known "valentine" to his wife from the
Although Tantra evolved in a culture that did not value romantic love and in which arranged marriages were prevalent, there are many legendary spiritual partnerships in the Tantric Buddhism, and in Hindu Tantra, there is a long history of lineages being carried on within families in which both men and women were adepts. Such spiritual partnerships can only exist in the context of a deep, abiding love, a kind of love that is radically different from the conventional Western model. As our teacher's teacher put it: "Love is profound interest." Thus, Tantric love involves focused attention, awareness and reverence for the other.
By contrast, the contemporary romantic model treats love as either superficial and fleeting or full of drama, pain, and suffering, while insisting that it is the basis for any good relationship. The romance industry would have us believe that the only valid form of love is the kind that leaves us light-headed and swooning or that we must seek completion in another, that a single soul-mate is out there in the world and that once we find that special someone, everything will be all right. This can not only set people up for disappointment and an endless search for the "one," it can also lead to the belief that the intensity of early infatuation is the only kind of romantic passion worth having. In reality, this intensity is fleeting; our biology guarantees that it will pass after three to six months.
The Tantric approach is radically different, and the ancient tradition of spiritual partnership remains relevant today. In this model: "The relationship between partners is one of mutual aspiration, effort, and assistance. The two are equals, with neither one regarding the other as inferior or as an object to be manipulated for selfish purposes. . .The dissolution and apotheosis of the two partners is interdependent. Their appreciation, enjoyment, and intimate involvement with one another is captured in their rapt, blissful, contemplative gaze, the gaze of the deities." Thus, Tantric partnerships require reverence, parity between partners, and a profoundly collaborative approach to all aspects of the relationship, and each partner's sustained commitment to the other's evolution.
Love affairs often end when the flush of infatuation starts to fade. If the relationship endures, complacency may set in, or what was once profound interest may be supplanted by an emphasis on getting one's needs met (or disappointment over a partner's failure to do so.) But profound interest and reverence can be cultivated, and employing a few simple techniques - gazing silently into each others eyes for a few minutes a day, bowing to each other or expressing appreciation after making love, cultivating genuine interest in each other, and thinking of your relationship as a shared adventure - can produce significant changes, even in relationships that are in a rut
- provided both partners are willing to make some effort and think differently.
In a sense, the Tantric approach involves consciously and continuously recreating the state of infatuation that is the very heart of the romantic ideal. In those early stages of love, it is easy to worship the ground a beloved walks on, to gaze into her eyes for extended periods, to be deeply interested in everything he has to say, to want to know her completely. Although this initial intensity must fade to some degree, you can keep the fire burning. A shared determination to think about your relationship as collaboration and a form of shared spiritual practice will enable you to extract the best elements of courtship and help you remain passionate about each other, without the drama that so often accompanies infatuation. If you are just starting to date, you can start practicing immediately (we did) and build a strong foundation for the future; if you've been together for years and are happy together, you may
find new and deeper levels of intimacy; and if things have gotten a little stale, you can celebrate Valentine's Day by turning toward each other with interest and reverence.
Authors
Mark Michaels (Swami Umeshanand Saraswati) and Patricia Johnson (Devi Veenanand) are a devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya Yoga together since 1999. Their popular workshops have been featured in several publications, including the Village Voice, NOW magazine, and Breathe magazine.
The two seek to combine a traditional, lineage-based approach with the best contemporary, Neo-Tantric methods. Their approach includes breath work, meditation, chanting, and puja (a type of Hindu devotional ritual), and their "initiated Kriya yoga" practices aim to lay a spiritual foundation for bringing the heightened awareness and pleasure of sex into everyday life.
www.tantrapm.com
5. END NOTES
This months' article was chosen because it offers a different model and perspective on what is important in healthy and lasting relationships. I hope it will inspire you and help you to view dating and relationships with a new eye- and perhaps a new, more satisfying approach. As always, I value any feedback or thoughts you may want to share.
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