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The Art Of Intimacy
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March 2008
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WELCOME
Spring is here, and my mailbox is filled with the typical question of the season; “Where can I meet compatible singles?” From my experience, this seems to be the hardest question for singles to answer. After that, are the ones like; “How can I make the right impression?” “What are some good conversation starters?” “How do I get his/her attention in a room crowded with other interested people?” And the classic one; “How do I turn this first meeting into a first date?” When it comes to online dating (something virtually everyone is either exploring or doing); there are many good questions about writing personal ads, what to say in that first email, how long one should email/call before suggesting a meeting, and how much is enough/not too much to share in an early e-relationship. All of these are great questions and there are many experts and websites that attempt to answer them- yet they continue to be asked.
For this month’s article, I have decided to offer some of my best tips for jump starting your dating life. These will encompass both online and offline dating, with the goal of helping all of you to meet compatible singles who are looking for someone just like you.
If you need focused help with finding or building a satisfying relationship, consider coaching. I offer assistance from one session up, depending upon your needs. Check out my services.
I also offer eclasses that provide tools for developing relationship readiness, meeting, dating and communication skills.
For help with your online profile, email me at Toni@consum-mate.com
Whatever your relationship needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.com
A big thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter. Consider forwarding it to a single friend or loved one.
QUOTES OF THE MONTH
“So many roads, So many detours, So many choices, So many mistakes.”
“Sure, I’ve thought about it, who hasn’t? If I could ever meet the right sort of girl, where are you going to find her? Somebody that’s real, somebody that’s alive! They don’t come like that anymore.”
FEATURED ARTICLE: Spring into Extreme Dating
It seems like forever since you’ve had a “real” date. You go out to happy hour with friends, do some volunteer work with a singles organization, attend parties where other singles flock and drop hints to everyone you know that you are looking, available and ready to meet that right someone. Still, no one interesting has come along and asked you out. If you feel frustrated and perhaps a bit burned out from the lack of returns on your investment of time, energy and money; it’s time to consider doing something different. When I say different, I don’t mean more- I mean new and untried.
Traditionally, the best way to meet people has been through a mutual friend, at work or a random meeting; the metro, a bar or club, your local grocery store, place of worship, class, etc. While these are still good options, the dating landscape has been altered due to the transitional (and often isolated) nature of present day lifestyles and the explosion in online dating, speed dating and other third party ways to meet. So what does a present day single person have to do to jump start an enjoyable and productive dating life? To begin with you have to open your mind and be willing to take a few calculated risks- all the while keeping in mind that doing what you have always done will keep getting you the same results. Armed with this mindset, you are now ready for my best dating tips.
Begin with some reflection
Have you had a desire to try a new sport, take a particular class or become proficient in some new skill, or perhaps get reconnected to a long held passion that has been in mothballs due to time and money constraints? Make a list and prioritize it in order of importance as well as how realistically each one will fit into your current life. Then, make the decision to pursue at least one, but not all. If you try to do too much, you will become overwhelmed.
Check your attitude
We reflect our inner thoughts and beliefs to others through our attitude. Nothing will be as important as what yours says to those around you. If you have negative thoughts about your current situation or will just be going through the motions, you won’t get the desired results from whatever you set out to accomplish. When you wake up each day, come up with one or two things in your life that you are grateful for, and remind yourself of them throughout the day. It’s amazing how powerful gratitude can be in boosting us during even the most challenging days of our lives.
Make it concrete
Once you have decided the WHAT, take some time to look over your schedule and explore local opportunities and currently available resources. Then pick up the phone or go to your computer and take that first step to sign up and/or get the information you need to get started. Then write it down in your schedule and make sure you block out the time. By doing this, you will not only be moving forward on a personal goal- you will also be taking a step towards meeting other people who share at least one of your interests or passions. I have an article on this topic at: http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/04apr.htm#feature
Be open to making the first move
We all know people who are successful in achieving their goals. It’s interesting how often we think of them as lucky. Take some time to observe someone you know who is like this. Notice what they say and do. Very likely one of those things will be their willingness to take risks and make the first move- especially in their dating lives. If they are a good enough friend, ask them to share what they think has worked for them- the willingness to take initiative will probably be on their list. Consider organizing some “singles” nights out or suggest an activity that all your singles friends could come to, and bring a single friend (or more) along to. Let people know that you would like to meet someone, and ask them to provide an introduction to someone they know who may be a good match for you. If you wait for something to happen- you may be waiting a long time.
Get your online profile up or consider a redo
If you don’t have an online ad, you are missing out on the possibility of meeting many new people you would not otherwise come into contact with. If you have one and it is not getting the right attention or any attention at all- consider redoing it. Writing a great profile requires that you learn what is important to say and not to say in a way that stands out from the sea of others around you. This includes having the right pictures, a great headline, answering the short questions effectively and using the essay to make a personal connection with compatible people. Check out my article on this at: http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/04jun.htm#feature
Don’t get discouraged
As you begin to actively pursue a satisfying dating life, you will be understandably excited and anticipating some great results. These will come, but they may not be immediate. Another quality that I consistently see with successful people is their ability to stay the course and not let small setbacks or disappointments lead to a negative attitude or a loss of follow through. If you get thrown from the horse, get right back up.
Good things will follow when you are realistic, have a positive attitude, have a concrete plan with built in follow through, and are willing to take some risks and try something new- as you put your best self out there for the compatible singles to see.
END NOTES
Spring really is the season for love. There is no better time than right now to get your dating plan together and change your “luck” and your life. Don’t wait- the world is renewing itself and that wonderful something is in the air. As always, I’d love to get feedback on how these tips work for you- and hear about those great “happy endings.” Good luck.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
© Copyright 2008 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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© copyright 2008, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com