The Art of Intimacy
A Newsletter for those seeking relationship help.

Welcome

Now that we are a few weeks into the New Year, it's likely that many of you have not even started working on your resolutions for 2016. You may even have lost your interest in pursuing them. The most popular ones usually have to do with weight loss, job/career changes, improving finances, learning something new, and finding a relationship or improving the one(s) we have. On January 1st most people feel hopeful, determined and positive about what the year could bring--but by February, it seems that many resolutions are abandoned or forgotten altogether.

Since you are a subscriber to this newsletter, it is a good bet that relationships are a top priority for you--you could be seeking that right person and relationship, be newly dating, in a long-term committed partnership, or recently engaged or married. Whatever your relationship status, your resolutions probably reflect the priority you place on this aspect of your life. If you are single, I have a good article in my archives on resolutions for singles. You can find it on http://www.consum-mate.com/article.php?id=143&catid=12 For those of you who are coupled (married or unmarried), I have written an article for this month's newsletter on relationship resolutions for couples. Regardless of what you may have resolved to accomplish a few weeks ago, if you are in a relationship, consider adding one of these to your list or even making it your primary one. When you do this with a partner, you increase your chances of sticking with it and achieving success. Read on for some of my best tips on setting and keeping relationship resolutions for couples.

My website was redesigned, updated, and made mobile-friendly a few months ago. Make sure you check out my videos, articles, and any new blogs and columns that I have added.

My dating and relationship articles offer a lot of free useful information and practical advice. You can find these on the menu at the top of http://www.consum-mate.com/ I am always adding new things, so check back frequently. Feel free to visit my media page at http://www.consum-mate.com/newsroom.htm where I keep an updated list of some of my media quotes.

If you want to check me out on Twitter, you can find me there at https://twitter.com/CoachToni If you are looking for more relationship advice, you can find this on my page at: http://www.consum-mate.com/articleindex.php?s=c My columns and articles also run on Family Share at: http://familyshare.com/authors/toni Divorce Support Center at http://divorcesupportcenter.com/index.php/experts-h/783-toni-coleman-lcsw-cmc and Cupid's Pulse at http://cupidspulse.com/102918/relationship-advice-new-years-dating-resolutions/#

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Quote of the Month

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right" -- Oprah Winfrey

Featured Article: Relationship resolutions for couples

Now that we are several weeks into the New Year, how are you doing with your resolutions? Have you set aside the time, made a plan, explored necessary resources, and/or taken the first steps towards achievement? If you are like many people, you probably haven't, or did for a week or so and then your goals got put on the back burner. The good news is that you can get back on track with little lost in the process. All it takes is a reboot on your resolve, some planning, prioritizing, and a determination to go after what you want.

Whatever your resolutions may be, if you are in a relationship, your goals should ideally reflect its importance in your life. Of course, any goals that support good health, lower stress, higher productivity, more mindfulness, and greater life satisfaction will have an impact on your partnership. But what about having one or more specific relationship goals?ones that you can set and work on together? After all, isn't everything more fun when you have someone to share it with? Not to mention you are more likely to maintain motivation and stick to them if you have someone by your side offering support and encouragement. Now that I have your attention, the following are some of my best winning resolutions for two. One or two be just what you need.


* Share mindful and healthy eating

Mindful eating requires making conscious decisions that begin with meal planning, and include setting aside time for shopping, meal preparation, and unhurried mealtimes. Ideally you would do some of this together as both of you need to be at least in partial agreement about what foods you will chose and when and how long your meals together will be. In addition, there are all the extras that fill pantries--if yours are mostly chips, sweets, and/or sugary drinks, this will need to be addressed. Emotional eating is a primary cause of unhealthy choices and weight gain and having these foods on hand can make it almost impossible to stick to your resolve when you hit those nasty bumps along the road of life.



* Resolve to talk less, listen more

Learn how to listen with a third ear--giving your partner your full attention, which includes eye contact, and no distractions such as multi-tasking. It's also important to refrain from interrupting, and to be mindful of your body language and facial expressions that send a message all their own--and usually the one you are attempting to disguise when you are rushed, tired, frustrated and/or just not feeling open to something your partner wants to discuss.



* Agree not to sweat or argue about the little things

Pettiness leads to negativity, bickering, bean-counting, and emotional distance. Learn how to pick your battles and save them for the issues that really matter. Also don't approach any discussion, no matter how difficult, as a battle to be fought and won. Letting go means not holding on to every little hurt and annoyance--and it also means not insisting on emerging as the winner following every disagreement and subsequent negotiation. Understanding, compassion, and empathy are contagious, so spread them freely in your relationship.


* Perform daily acts of kindness

Something as simple as a good morning kiss, bringing your partner their coffee, putting their phone and keys by the door so they don't forget them, or offering a few words of appreciation--will brighten their day and help keep your bond strong. It only takes a minute to acknowledge how much you enjoy, are turned on by, and/or appreciate your partner and what they bring to your life. When the moment presents, be careful not to override it with a thought about being too rushed and getting to it at a later time, or just thinking it, but not taking five minutes (or less!) to share that positive thought or action with him or her.




* Establish unplugged time zones in your home

Have you ever been on one end of a conversation when the other person is multi-tasking on their personal device while feigning attention to what you are saying? If so, you know what it feels like to be minimized, disregarded, and for your message to not be taken seriously. In other words, it doesn't feel good, especially when this message is sent by your intimate partner. When a partner's behavior contributes to them feeling like this, it's destructive to the relationship and often leads to an erosion of trust, an impairment in or shut down of communication, and a resistance to confide in or rely on one another. Turn off your devices when you are eating together, sharing conversation, enjoying an activity outside of the home and/or winding down from your day and have an opportunity for some intimate connecting.



* Make intimate sharing and sex a priority

It may seem unromantic, but if the result is great sex, no one will remember you planned for it. When we make something a priority, we carve out the time, make sure we have the energy, and clear away any distractions in order to allow us to focus solely on it. When both people in the couple are satisfied with their sexual life--it takes the edge off. They feel attractive and get the nurturing they need; which makes it less likely they will nick pick or get upset over the little annoyances that arise.

End Notes

The New Year is here and so is the opportunity to begin again, and get it right this time around. Spend a few minutes reflecting on what you were sure you wanted when the year began, and if you have not yet started, get going, today. Make sure that you make your relationships a priority--after all, aren't they a big part of what makes your life meaningful?

This month's article was written to help anyone who is presently coupled to come up with a great relationship resolution or two that you can work on with your significant other. If you are in the Easter part of the country--you will have several days, beginning now to really focus on them. Happy snow days!

If you would like more direct help with setting life changing resolutions--email us at tonicolemanlcsw@gmail.com We have a lot of experience helping people find, build, and sustain happy love. Feel free to browse through Consum-mate.com and read the many columns, articles, quizzes and videos available there. We look forward to hearing from you and offering any assistance we can.

CONTACT INFORMATION

Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com

© Copyright 2008-2015 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.

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