Finding Love

It's another hot summer day and you are feeling stuck in the loveless doldrums. If it's the season for romance, why are you spending lazy afternoons alone by the pool or warm nights with only a good read to keep you company? If you really want to understand why you are still single, you need to open your mind to the idea that just because you have wanted and worked at finding love--you may have been going about it the wrong way, over and over again. If you want to get different results you need to consider doing things differently. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Believe it or not, real change begins with a change in thinking and perception, which leads to different behaviors and better results. The following are 6 simple actions you can begin to take today that could help you find a summer love with the potential to last into the fall and beyond.

Pay attention to the people you encounter in your everyday life at work, on the street, grocery store, etc.

Walk with confidence, smile, and be open to offering a greeting or a friendly gesture to an attractive stranger. Mr. /Ms. Right could be just around the corner and you may pass them by as you walk with your head down, a frown on your face, and/or your thoughts wrapped up in something else.

Change your routine

Take a walk or bike ride on a new (always be safe) route, go to a different dog park, try going alone to a new local eatery, check out any coffee places, bookstores or other places in your hood where like-minded people may gather. These are great places to meet people as they offer an opportunity for natural and easy conversation and the possibility of encountering that interesting someone again.

Change your attitude

If you have grown disillusioned about dating and have begun to accept that there is no right person for you--make a conscious effort to change your negative thoughts to positive action. This will not only give you renewed hope and energy, the right attitude will be reflected in your face, posture, and interactions with others. There is nothing that increases your attraction quotient more than an open, positive and self-confident manner.

Pursue one new activity or interest that you have always wanted to try

Everyone has a fantasy about something they have never tried but would love to do. If it's something like backpacking through 5 European countries, you will need some lead time and may need to begin planning now for the fall or next summer. However, if it's trying a new sport, joining a sports league, taking ethnic cooking classes or taking up the piano, volunteering with an organization that supports something dear to your heart--or anything you have long thought about and not acted on, go for it, NOW. Pursuing a passion gives us a burst of energy and opens us to the belief that anything is possible, if we just make the time and go for it.

Enlarge the parameters you have set for who your "type" is

Too often singles evaluate each new person according to specific parameters they have set regarding who their ideal type is. Later today or tomorrow you could encounter someone who is a little older or younger, heavier or thinner, richer or poorer, and/or different in some way from what you have always sought in your ideal partner. Mr. or Ms Good enough is out there, and could be a perfect fit for you if you stay open to the possibility. If you meet someone like this and try dating and find it doesn't work--they were not the right one, but probably not because they did not fit your specific parameters.

Re-write your online profile and take/post new photos.

Make sure you include pictures that give context to the things you share about yourself in your essay. Do a search for a new dating site and sign up for a membership. Use key words in your search that include some of your interests and passions as this will help you come into contact with folks who have at least one thing in common with you. Don't be too quick to write off someone who winks or attempts email contact. Carefully review their profile and look for things that strike an emotional cord for you. What have you got to loose? Check your email there often. Things move fast on dating sites and if you wait too long that interesting person may have already connected with someone else.

These 6 steps will take little of your time and energy, but could yield some great results. So, put down that book, come in out of the sun for awhile and get busy with some new moves.

Want to read other articles on this subject?

"Wanted: unreliable, emotionally unstable guy for thrills"
List of more "Help With Dating" articles

"Why wait for the missed connection ad?"


Toni Coleman, LCSW
Phone: 703-847-1768


Copyright 2008 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.

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