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Your Dating Elevator Speech
It's Saturday night and you are out at yet another singles event. You felt some reluctance about signing up, but this one offered promise- a different crowd, nice venue and a convenient location. Two of your friends are meeting you, so at least the evening should not be a complete bust. It seems that you have done all the right things in order to maximize your opportunity to meet people, and as always, you put a lot of effort into looking your best. So why do your efforts usually leave you feeling like a wallflower, with no prospects on the horizon. What are you doing/not doing?
There are many singles out there, looking for love. In their quest to meet compatible people- they often invest a great deal of time and money on their appearance and on finding and utilizing the resources available to help and enhance their search. These include everything from clothing, transportation, the costs for their personal ad and self-help books, matchmakers and the fees that cover the many singles events they attend. Many of these are necessary "expenses" that will increase their probability of meeting Mr./Ms Right - however, an important aspect may be getting overlooked.
First impressions are received through our two primary senses- visual and auditory- yet how we look often gets all the attention as folks forget about the importance of what and how they relate and communicate about themselves.
The missing piece is the "dating elevator speech." You are probably familiar with this concept from the "elevator speech," which is a networking tool used in a professional setting by those who want an interesting and succinct way to describe their chosen career - and it must be brief enough to articulate in the time it takes to share an elevator ride with the listener.
The world of dating often places singles in situations that require they be able to get and hold that interesting someone's attention - yet only have two minutes or so to accomplish this before the moment has passed. You know, that cute guy or girl in front of you at the grocery store, riding on the metro, ordering a drink next to you at the bar, standing alone at the singles event, etc. Often you struggle to come up with something to say that comfortably gets their attention- but do you know how to showcase your positive traits and do it briefly? It may be easier than you think.
Begin by coming up with a list of your three most unique and positive characteristics. Avoid using just adjectives here. An example could be that you are a funny guy BECAUSE you are quick with the comebacks and known by your friends as the one who is always sure to offer comic relief in any tough situation. In other words, come up with an example for each trait you list- from funny, well educated and never boring to risk-taker, world traveler, certified scuba diver, pilot, etc. The key here is to heighten your own awareness of the traits you think most speak to who you are and what the other person should know about you. Once you have done this, you need to package it in a way that allows you to SHOW these traits to someone- not just recite them.
For example, a woman sees a cute guy standing alone at a singles event, aware that the room is quickly filling up. She has given careful thought to her dating elevator speech and with a clear awareness of what she wants to convey, approaches him. She walks over with an air of confidence and an open and inviting manner as she looks him in the eye and displays a warm smile. She uses her sense of humor by making a tasteful joke about the place they are standing in, the food, the night's planned events, or some other easy to discuss topic. Her humor is funny, generic, not self-deprecating and elicits a smile back from him, as it helps him to feel more at ease. He asks her the standard questions- her name, where she lives/works, how she knew about the event, etc. After each, she gives a very brief, but interesting response and poses the same or similar question to him. He likes her smile, experiences her sense of humor, finds her work and passions (1 or 2) interesting; and gets the sense that she is bright, confident and a good listener.
How did she do this in a couple of minutes? She showed him her sense of humor, she projected an air of confidence and interest in him- and she demonstrated thaty she was listening deeply to what he had to share. She also offered brief and interesting highlights about her career and interests - things he could relate to or that wetted his appetite and left him wanting to know more. In other words, she delivered her dating elevator speech effectively- good enough to help her stand out in the sea of singles and lead to an exchange of numbers/emails and a tentative plan to get together again.
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Toni Coleman, LCSW
© Copyright 2008 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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