The Art of Online Courtship

Dear Dating Coach,

I met this girl on a social networking website, and I'm starting to fall for her. We talk every once in while, probably about once a week, and met for the first (and only) time about 4 months ago. I would like to talk to her more often to get to know her better, but I've never flirted online and I have no clue on how to do this, so I need some advice in that department. Also, I was wondering whether it would be a good idea to send her an e-greeting or something for Valentine's Day, and if I should, then what kind of greeting--friendly or romantic, e-greeting, or something self-made, funny or serious. The thing that worries me in this situation is that a Valentine's card would seem like something coming out of left field, and may strike her as odd, or even worse, desperate, which I don't want to come off as being. --Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused--

You sound like anything but as you appear to have good insight and none of the stalker in you, a great start to any relationship.

If you know how to flirt offline, you will have no trouble doing it online. Be YOURSELF. Don't tell her what you are about, show her. For instance, if you are funny--be funny instead of talking about how funny you are. Don't hold back as you wait for a strong signal or green light from her. She may be shy or believe that if you were really interested you would ( and should) indicate this directly to her. Some things will never really change, and a woman's discomfort with making the first move seems to be one of them.

An e-greeting that is funny, light, and friendly sounds pretty appropriate to me. If she balks at this and/or reacts very negatively--you will know she is not the girl for you or that she feels it is too soon in the relationship for a Valentine's Day greeting. If she is receptive, suggest another face to face meeting. Come up with a simple and fun activity that will help the two of you get to know each other in a relaxed and "candid" setting.

Think about what you could gain (or loose) if you are not willing to take a chance on love.

(from February 2007)

Want to read other columns on this subject?

"The "How We Met" Cover Story"
List of more
"Online Dating"

"The Downside to Online Dating"


Toni Coleman, LCSW
Phone: 703-847-1768


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