Cramming for that first date

Dear Toni-

I met a guy on an online dating sight several weeks ago and we have made plans to meet face to face. I'm worried that the only thing he will see is my weight. I've been told there is no way I'll be able to flatten my stomach in two weeks, so what can I do to make sure our first meeting goes well?
--Weight Conscious

Dear Weight Conscious--

Is this a trick question? I ask this because the impression make will come from all the many things you are and how well they fit with who he is- and the flatness of your stomach is not one I would rank high on the list. Simply put, you are falling into that trap that many women do-the one where you place all your focus on your physical appearance/adequacy, then find yourself cramming to get ready for the first test, only to find that you skipped the most important material.

Yes, your date will be looking for physical attraction and compatibility. He will also be evaluating what your behavior says about who you are and how you feel about yourself. He will be looking for friendship potential, a shared sense of humor and view of the world--and he will feel a connection if you intrigue him intellectually and if your conversation resonates on a deeper level for him. In other words, looks are only one small piece of compatibility--and if you aren't careful the size of your tummy will get in the way of a potentially great first date.

Starting now, make a conscious choice to eat well, not to diet, but to choose foods that are good to eat and good for you. Make an effort to carve out time for exercise, even it is just walking for one-half hour a day. Get to sleep at a reasonable time each night in order to ensure the kind of rest that helps you to look and feel your best. Take time out for fun, relaxation and down time with fun people- these moments are good for the soul.

Living well and making good, conscious choices will help you be your best true self. When the right guy comes along, he will love you for it, chubby tummy and all.

If you would like more information on this topic, go to , , and/or

(from January 2012)

Want to read other columns on this subject?

"Is it OK to date more than one man at a time?"
List of more
"Help With Dating"

"An older but not necessarily wiser dater"


Toni Coleman, LCSW
Phone: 703-847-1768


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