Bad posture can ruin your dating life and impact your relationships

Our Smartphones have become essential tools for not only communicating with others but for organizing our lives, managing our work and personal schedules, storing data, shopping, finding our way around, and accessing all kinds of information—all with a few easy clicks and swipes. What did we do before we had them?

We managed with payphones, our telephone and address books, appointment calendars, filing systems, libraries, and yes, our feet. Life was slower, we had real-time, face-to-face interactions with others, we were inconvenienced, we had to plan ahead, and many of us got hopelessly lost sometimes. But we were more active and apparently our posture was a lot better.

According to the New Zealand physiotherapist, Steve August, we are suffering from the iHunch, also referred to as iPosture and itext neck. This condition happens over time and is the result of bending our necks forward 60 degrees as we use our phones. The resulting stress from the weight this places on our spines forms a stoop or hump on our upper backs. This used to be much more common in the elderly, but now is happening more and more in the young. Just writing this is leading me to sit with a very erect posture and to hold my head as straight as possible as I type.

In addition, the consequences go beyond just the physical—as if that weren’t bad enough. Depressed people slouch in much the same way. So do folks with low self-esteem and/or a problem with assertiveness and confidence. A study published earlier this year in Health Psychology found that when subjects in their study were told to slouch during mock job interviews it led to lowered self-esteem, greater fear, and increased negativity—even when these slouchers had no history of these issues. The researchers concluded that “sitting upright may be a simple behavioral strategy to help build resilience to stress.”

Another study found that slouching can affect memory, where the slouchers had better memory recall for negative VS positive information. Most of us have heard the term “selective memory or hearing,” where people seem to only recall certain things that were said to them or that occurred. It’s not a leap to consider how their posture might be contributing to this. Another study showed more productivity among those who sat upright VS the slouchers. Do you ever struggle with finishing a memo, letter, or work project? Consider trying a different and more upright posture and see if this helps you to think more clearly and be more productive. The smaller the device, the greater the slouch, so that is also something to consider.

Now what does all this have to do with relationships? In fact, everything. What you communicate nonverbally to those you interact with at work, on the street, at social and other non-related work events, and with those you are close to—all impacts how they see you and the quality of the relationship you have with them.

Think about it, if you are out at a club and an attractive stranger looks your way and sees someone who is communicating low self-esteem and a negative attitude—do you think that person will have an interest in getting to know you? What about in your work relationships? How might a co-worker relate to you if they see you as negative, timid and unproductive VS positive, assertive and confident? This is also important with family, friends and in intimate relationships. Everyone wants to be around people who lift them up, who come across and confident, strong and at ease. If you ever wonder what you may be doing wrong that leads to confusing and/or disappointing interactions with others—consider your posture. It’s a great place to start.

Author: Toni Coleman

Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC is an internationally recognized dating and relationship expert and founder of http://consum-mate.com Her expertise is sought frequently by local and national publications and top ranked dating and relationship websites and she has been a guest on a number of radio and TV programs. She is the featured relationship coach in “The Business and Practice of Coaching,” (Norton, September 2005); the author of the forward for, “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life, One Touchdown at a Time;” (Simon and Schuster, November 2005) - and her popular relationship articles can be found in several magazines and a number of self- help, personal growth and dating/relationship websites. Toni holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work, is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Virginia, and earned a certification in life coaching.

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