Don’t be a victim of Revenge Porn

When I read about the lawsuit against TEXXXAN.com, a few old adages came to mind. Don’t get caught with your pants down, boys kiss and tell, and there is such a thing as overexposure.

Once again we are all wondering just how far the first amendment will let folks go. Now, anyone can post compromising photos of someone else online. First it was the snarky comments and so-called facts about an ex’s character flaws or bad behavior – and now, we get treated to someone’s “porn revenge.” What next, audio?

Apparently this has generated a flood of public and media attention which has led to the site TEXXXAN.com shutting down due to traffic overload. Of course that is every site’s dream, so we should anticipate more of this virtual acting out in the future.

What no one is really talking about is the fact that these women GAVE these photos to their (then) boyfriends. They weren’t secretly photographed or otherwise coerced to offer nude pictures of themselves. However, they want TEEEXAN.com to be held fully responsible for them being available online. Something is definitely not right with this picture.

Yes, I understand they felt safe sharing these personal images with their intimate other. At the time they couldn’t have known that they would break up and his payback would be indecent exposure. However, in a world where most relationships fail in the early stages of dating and the divorce rate is almost 50%, shouldn’t women have some sense that maybe this isn’t the best idea?

Ladies, listen up. If your guy asks for nude photos, tell him no. If he wants to admire you he can do it in person- without a camera. If you are married and he’s into making sex films or taking suggestive shots- make sure you get all these back (along with negatives and copies) as part of your divorce settlement.

The bottom line is that if there are compromising pictures or films of you out there- you really have no control over what happens to them. Once you turn them over to someone else, they are no longer yours. If you value your privacy and dignity, then safeguard it. What would your mother say???

Author: Toni Coleman

Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC is an internationally recognized dating and relationship expert and founder of http://consum-mate.com Her expertise is sought frequently by local and national publications and top ranked dating and relationship websites and she has been a guest on a number of radio and TV programs. She is the featured relationship coach in “The Business and Practice of Coaching,” (Norton, September 2005); the author of the forward for, “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life, One Touchdown at a Time;” (Simon and Schuster, November 2005) - and her popular relationship articles can be found in several magazines and a number of self- help, personal growth and dating/relationship websites. Toni holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work, is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Virginia, and earned a certification in life coaching.

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