Tag: research on relationships

Couple’s communication is helped by food

We have all heard that low blood sugar can lead to anger, among other things. But how much do we actually focus on the role of food on our moods and relationships? According to findings just published in the Proceedings of the national Academy of Sciences, missing a meal can indeed be very bad for your relationship.

In their study, 107 married couples tested their blood sugar levels before their first morning meal and again before bedtime. Each participant was also given a voodoo doll that represented their partner, and they were told to insert up to 51 pins daily, depending on how angry they felt with their spouse.

You guessed it- those with the lowest nighttime blood sugar levels used the most pins. Women overall used more pins, but the difference was not significant. After 21 days the couples were taken to a lab and told that they were going to compete with one another on how fast they could press a button- in order to test aggressive behavior. The winners would then be able to blast their partner with a loud noise through their headphones. Fortunately, they were actually doing this to the computer- but did not know it. Guess who did the most blasting? Those with the lowest nighttime blood sugar levels blasted their partners more frequently and louder.

The conclusion therefore is that if couples eat before having that difficult or potentially heated discussion, their levels of anger and aggression will be down and easier to manage in general. Makes sense- and I plan to remember this when I work with couples on improving communication- which virtually all couples cite as one of the major issues contributing to their relationship problems.

Could “Chick Flicks” replace couples counseling?

The results of a new study were published in December in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. The researchers, lead author Ronald Rogge (of The University of Rochester), Thomas Bradbury (the Relationship Institute at UCLA), and others found that discussing five (relationship) movies a month could cut the three-year divorce rate in half. The long-term study included 174 newlywed couples who participated throughout their first three years of marriage. They were randomly assigned to one of three groups- conflict management, compassion and acceptance training, and relationship awareness through film- and the movie-and talk approach was just as effective as the more intensive therapist-led methods. The results suggest that couples know when what they are doing is right or wrong- however, they don’t think about their behavior as it is occurring, and this leads to conflict and divorce.

The researchers were excited when they thought about how this model could be adapted to help couples in general- and it is something they could do on their own. In this study, participants were given 47 movies to take home and were asked to watch one a week for the next month, followed by a 45 minute discussion. The results were the same as the more intensive and professionally led groups the other couples were assigned to.

So what is different between this approach and couples watching movies together as a general course in their lives? One is that all the movies have an intimate relationship that is central to the plot- chick flicks, in other words. The other is that they then discuss the characters and this helps develop insights into their behavior and how it impacts their partner.

My only concern with how this would translate into a regular marital intervention is that guys have to be dragged to chick flicks. Maybe this is why the result does not happen more often outside of the study- guys don’t go to them, end of story. I also wondered if the guys who would be willing to go at all or more often are more “in touch with their feminine sides.” No, this is not a negative- it’s just that some guys are more open to this and to experiencing something that is outside the typical “guy” experience. If a guy is naturally more this way- wouldn’t he naturally be more tuned into his partner and her feelings/needs?

However, these couples were randomly assigned to this group and given this as homework- and it was effective. So, if we can somehow get our men to go to these more often and discuss their thoughts about them afterwards, could we all be more happily married? Definitely something to think about if you have hit a rough spot with your mate.