The six nonverbal signs that say he is interested
There are many attractive, intelligent, professional, and very single women who are frustrated with their dating and relationship experiences. Many lament that all the men they find interesting are either taken or just not interested in them. They share stories of actively trying to meet compatible men, yet rarely making a real connection because the guys send out confusing/mixed messages, and/or don't take an active lead in dating-- which leads them to believe they just aren't that interested. However there is another possible explanation for their failure to connect that they have never seriously considered. Maybe they are not reading and interpreting his nonverbal signals correctly; and are therefore coming away with the completely wrong impression of what he is thinking and feeling. These nonverbal signals are contained in his posture, arm and hand movements, facial and eye expressions, and general attitude?and how consistently he uses them is a message all by itself. The following are 6 surefire signals that say he is interested and wants to pursue more.
* He makes eye contact more than once, then his eyes wander to your body
It's likely you have had the experience of making eye contact with a stranger. You may have been passing on a street, in the same aisle when shopping, or at a large gathering as you moved about through the crowd. It was probably random, fleeting, and forgotten immediately afterward. But what about those times it was an attractive guy? Were you wondering what he was thinking? When this happens again note how long he holds your glance and if his facial expression changes, even in the slightest. Then watch for him to glance a second or third time and if he does this and his eyes wander to the rest of you, you know you have his attention and at least some interest. The best response is to make eye contact, and offer a small smile. Do this at least twice, perhaps even when heading in another direction while looking back over your shoulder at him. This lets him know you have observed his interest and are returning it.
* He looks at your lips
When a man looks at your lips, he is fantasizing about kissing you. It is a definite sign of physical interest and attraction as the lips and mouth are one of the most sensual parts of our anatomy. A great response is to glance back at his lips--which will tell him you are curious about what it would be like to kiss him back. A lingering glance should trigger the next sign on this list.
* His nostrils flair
When attraction hits, a person's breathing pattern changes. Their pulse rate goes up and their breathing quickens. This will lead to a subtle but unmistakable nostril widening or flair. Therefore when you are making that eye contact, make sure to note any changes in his facial expression?especially in his nostrils.
* He moves physically closer and/or leans towards you
When someone is interested in you, they want to get up close and personal. If you spot an attractive guy or have your eye on someone in your social group, pay attention to his movement. Does he remain on the other side of the room, or do you see him edging closer, perhaps ending up a person or two away? If you are standing together in a group or it's just the two of you, notice his posture and if he leans back, remains straight up, or leans in your direction. If the latter is true, it signals his desire to get closer. In return, you can lean slightly towards him, making sure that your feet are pointed directly at him.
* He mirrors your body language
Have you ever observed a happy couple walking together? Often they are in lock step, swinging their arms back and forth in unison with one another. This is called mirroring, and it occurs when two people make a connection and feel comfortable with one another. When you are interacting with Mr. interesting, observe if and how much his posture, hand and leg movements, tone and pitch of voice, and facial and eye expressions mirror yours. If you are in sync on several of these, he is definitely enjoying himself and feeling into you.
* He self-touches
No, I don't mean that way. What I am referring to is when he touches his face, his lips, and his neck, pats his hair, rubs his eyes, strokes his chin, or crosses one arm in front and reaches up to squeeze or rub his shoulder. When he does this, it's a signal of self-consciousness about how he looks, and it's called displacement behavior.
Any one of these signs will signal interest, and when two or more are present you can assume you have his attention and it's a perfect time to make your move. You will be on the right track if you keep your focus more on what he does, rather than what he says, and if the two line up, this could be the beginning of something real.
Want to read other articles on this subject?
|List of more "Nonverbal Communication" articles||
This is the last "Nonverbal Communication" article.
Toni Coleman, LCSW
© Copyright 2008 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.