Attraction in not just in the EYES of the beholder

Many people believe that attraction is based almost solely on the other person’s physical appearance or looks. This is why so much emphasis is placed on physical beauty, dress, grooming, etc. While this is a component of attraction, it is not enough and won’t help you attract the right one all by itself. If you have been wondering what you are doing wrong, it may be that you are focusing too heavily on how you look.

Frontiers in Psychology has come out with a mini review on our non-visual senses and their role in social relations that looks at the importance of voice and scent to one’s attractiveness. If we really think about this, it is not a surprise—don’t you notice when someone smells good or react positively or negatively to the tone/tempo/pitch of their voice? A woman can be beautiful but if she has a bad breath, men will most likely recoil in her presence. What about that voice that sounds like a child, is shrill and grating, or perhaps domineering, sarcastic or aloof? All is fine until he opens his mouth to speak and bam, there goes the chemistry.

The review collaborators combed through 30 years of studies to find ones that included the role of voice and scent in attraction. There were not many. However the information that one’s scent and voice can tell others about them is apparently quite a lot. How cooperative they are, their temperament, how assertive or not they can be, their emotional state and overall emotional health, among other things.

Apparently a few studies have shown that scent alone offers a wealth of information about someone. This coupled with the visual and/or voice can be powerful. Maybe this is what leads to those love at first sight feelings—all three of these feel right to the beholder.

I put all of these in the nonverbal communication category. Yes, even voice—as our tone/tempo/pitch are not the same as what we say. Actually what we say does not communicate nearly as much as what our body says to others—and apparently these three senses must like what they pick up in order for real attraction to occur.

Author: Toni Coleman

Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC is an internationally recognized dating and relationship expert and founder of http://consum-mate.com Her expertise is sought frequently by local and national publications and top ranked dating and relationship websites and she has been a guest on a number of radio and TV programs. She is the featured relationship coach in “The Business and Practice of Coaching,” (Norton, September 2005); the author of the forward for, “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life, One Touchdown at a Time;” (Simon and Schuster, November 2005) - and her popular relationship articles can be found in several magazines and a number of self- help, personal growth and dating/relationship websites. Toni holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work, is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Virginia, and earned a certification in life coaching.

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