Tag: Frontiers in Psychology

Attraction in not just in the EYES of the beholder

Many people believe that attraction is based almost solely on the other person’s physical appearance or looks. This is why so much emphasis is placed on physical beauty, dress, grooming, etc. While this is a component of attraction, it is not enough and won’t help you attract the right one all by itself. If you have been wondering what you are doing wrong, it may be that you are focusing too heavily on how you look.

Frontiers in Psychology has come out with a mini review on our non-visual senses and their role in social relations that looks at the importance of voice and scent to one’s attractiveness. If we really think about this, it is not a surprise—don’t you notice when someone smells good or react positively or negatively to the tone/tempo/pitch of their voice? A woman can be beautiful but if she has a bad breath, men will most likely recoil in her presence. What about that voice that sounds like a child, is shrill and grating, or perhaps domineering, sarcastic or aloof? All is fine until he opens his mouth to speak and bam, there goes the chemistry.

The review collaborators combed through 30 years of studies to find ones that included the role of voice and scent in attraction. There were not many. However the information that one’s scent and voice can tell others about them is apparently quite a lot. How cooperative they are, their temperament, how assertive or not they can be, their emotional state and overall emotional health, among other things.

Apparently a few studies have shown that scent alone offers a wealth of information about someone. This coupled with the visual and/or voice can be powerful. Maybe this is what leads to those love at first sight feelings—all three of these feel right to the beholder.

I put all of these in the nonverbal communication category. Yes, even voice—as our tone/tempo/pitch are not the same as what we say. Actually what we say does not communicate nearly as much as what our body says to others—and apparently these three senses must like what they pick up in order for real attraction to occur.

Want to be heard? Speak with your body

I have been talking about the importance of nonverbal communication in relationships for a long time. Now there is more proof of how important this is if you want to hear and be heard correctly.

In a study that was recently published in Frontiers in Psychology; robot avatars who were programmed to talk with their hands were as easy to understand as humans delivering the same messages. Researchers Paul Bremner and Ulte Leonards combined classic hand gestures with speech (multi-modal) to see how well the robots could be understood. Then they compared the robot’s communication with that voiced by human subjects to see if there was any significant difference between the two, and found that there was not.

First the actors were recorded as they gestured and spoke their lines. Then the avatars used these recordings and mimicked the exact gestures and a comparison was made. Even though avatars don’t have the same exact shape or flexibility in their hands and arms, their gestures were still as effective.

What these researchers found is that when movement is combined with voice, communication is more effective, even if the speaker is a robot. Think about how this translates to dating and relationship communication. By learning to use gestures, pauses, eye and facial movements, and body posture to convey our messages; we can greatly increase our chances of being heard and delivering the intended message.

For anyone who struggles with feeling misunderstood, who has difficulty connecting with others, and/or who experiences a lot of frustration during first meetings and too often leaves the wrong impression—try turning your attention to everything you don’t say with words, but say with your body. This is what others are paying attention to—whether they or you are aware of it or not.