Tag: first impressions in dating

The Tinder date

First dates usually conjure up two very opposing feelings and attitudes. Some people enjoy dating, meeting new people, experiencing the thrill of wondering if this person could end up being the person—but for others, dating is a necessary evil in their quest to find love.

And that was the way it used to be, when dating was a lot more simple and straightforward and people actually asked/got asked out, and planned a date which included a get to know one another activity that lasted more than 15 minutes.

Then along came online meeting and dating, which added the challenge of deciding to meet someone based on their profile, a series of emails, and/or phone calls. That first meeting was arranged with a virtual stranger and often resulted in a hit or miss for the two people involved.

Now we have dating apps. Feel in the mood to meet someone new? Sign on to the app, see who is nearby, check out their picture and VERY LIMITED information—and rush off to meet them. On any given night in Singles rich cities everywhere, Tinder couples are arranging quick meets in bars, coffee places and restaurants. It’s not uncommon for someone to walk in, see the other person (in person) and head out the door before they are seen. Then there are the 5 minute “interviews,” where two people sit and talk and after a few minutes, don’t feel the connection. For others, they might linger over a drink or coffee, liking what they are seeing and hearing, but not committing to a meal or another drink.

There are many singles who arrange several of these “dates” in one night. Must be hard to keep everyone’s information and names straight. Of course we do hear about couples who are engaged and married who met on Tinder—with these odds, it can’t be easy to achieve that.

With a dating culture like this one, it’s a wonder that anyone even bothers. It’s enough to leave you longing for a quiet corner at home and a good book, or out searching for meaningful experiences that would bring you into contact with real-life singles who you can get to know the old-fashioned way.

Knowing they are the one takes time

A new survey has shown that when people are focused on finding an instant romantic connection, they can miss out on real love. Writer Nicola Hughes tackles this topic as she paints a picture of herself making a connection on Tinder, then heading out to meet this new guy who she is already envisioning as “the one.” She has yet to come face to face with him and is already impatient to get to the good part.

Then when she is confronted with the real guy, the let down and sense of disappointment begins to creep in. She contemplates this and has a light bulb moment as she realizes that she has been going about dating the wrong way. She knows this because it has not worked for her.

With this epiphany in mind, she thinks back to the way she has always made friends, which is slowly. She recalls that she has never really clicked with anyone at first, and often doesn’t even like the person very much—until she has had more time to spend with them and get to know them. Then, this person who made a negative first impression has become a favorite friend. In other words, our impressions of people can change a lot once we get to know them.

Ms. Hughes’s takeaway is that if this works for making friends, maybe it would be a much more successful way to approach dating. The result is her “Dating Manifesto,” where instant impressions are out, opportunities to make male friends who could grow to be more are in.

If your dating life isn’t working out as you have hoped, you may want to give this a try. Check it out