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Falling in Love too Fast?
Dear Dating Coach,
I am a 26 year old, successful, professional female with no children. I met the man I would like to marry last weekend. We are both visual artists, and I met him at my art exhibit, which was hosted at a local show. We had a long conversion about the art business, and there was very light flirtation (my mother was sitting right there). He is actually one the top artists in the country and he shared some of his experiences and advice on the art world with me. When we parted, he made sure he had my business card and he signed my email book and asked me to email him. I did, and asked him when his next visit to my city would be, and he quickly replied with the date he would be back in town (a month from now), and said that he wants to hook up with me then. I emailed him again, saying that would be cool and that I look forward to connecting with him. I also asked him another simple question about the art business. It's been two days and I have not heard back from him. What should I do? --Fallen Artist
You met this man last weekend, spent some time talking- and believe he is the one you want to marry? Talk about love at first sight!
This is a man you know little about, except what he does for a living. What you do know is that you find him attractive, enjoy speaking with him and that he would be a great resource for you in your own career. What you don't know is everything else. Consider the possibilities. He is in a serious relationship, he is married, he is gay, he is only interested in your work, he is preparing to enter the priesthood. You understand the point I'm underscoring here--but seem to have made a decision to ignore all that in favor of keeping that image of Mr. Right, whom chance and a shared passion brought you together with.
From where I'm sitting, you have already made the right moves. You spent time talking to him and expressing your interest, both verbally and non-verbally. Then you followed up with an email, making it clear that you would like to see him again. The proverbial ball is squarely in his court. If he wants to play with you, he will pick it up and run with it, in your direction. If not, he will let it go to another player and opt for the bench instead.
You sound like a bright and creative woman who is open to meeting your right guy. Make sure you don't move too quickly into commitment with someone based solely on who and what you think he is. Mr. Right may be the guy who has no artistic talent, but has the ability to connect with you on so many other important levels and sweep you off your feet as you move slowly into a mature and enduring attachment.
(from January 2007)
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"Attraction and chemistry"
Toni Coleman, LCSW
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