So Where DO You Meet Mr Right?

Dear Toni--

I'm getting so tired of the singles scene. I'm very frustrated because I'm an attractive, early thirties, educated female, who has difficulty meeting anyone suitable to date. I've got my profile on a couple of online dating sites, but have had a lot of disappointment with that. I go to singles events with friends, clubs after work or on Saturday night, and also go to a lot of parties hosted by friends and acquaintances. Yet, I almost never encounter suitable, AVAILABLE single men. Am I doing something wrong? Where are all the guys?
--At a Dating Loss

At a Dating Loss

This is a good question. Would you be at all surprised to hear that it comes up often? The whole answer would involve more time and space than this column allows. This is because it would require you to examine not only where to meet other singles, but to also look at the expectations and attitude you bring along and how these affect your presentation of yourself and the interactions you have with other (singles).

However, I can address the question, WHERE are all the guys. The answer is so simple, it is often overlooked. They are all around you. You just haven't found the best places to encounter the kind of men you are seeking.

Learning where to look will require you to do three things:

* Come up with a list of activities/hobbies that you enjoy and/or have been wanting to try.

* Do some research on which activities on your list are available in or around your community.

* Sit down with this list and call to find out when and where things are offered. Then go do them.

In order to meet compatible men, you need to go where men who share your interests and wants go. For example, if you have always loved hiking, and join a hiking club, you have a greater probability of meeting someone you are compatible with (when hiking).

In addition, you are doing something that brings you fulfillment and pleasure. This will enhance your mental and physical health, which allows you to present your best self to others.

Remember, "guys" are a lot like women (in some ways). They pursue things they enjoy. They also want to meet women who share their interests and have a similar life view. For men, these pursuits often involve sports and outdoor activity. So, these are great places to look if they are your passion as well, or if you've always had an interest in trying them.

(from April 2003)

Want to read other columns on this subject?

"Where Do You Meet Ms. Right?"
List of more
"Help With Dating"

"He's Interested and I'm Not; and Vice Versa"


Toni Coleman, LCSW
Phone: 703-847-1768


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