In love with a "bad girl"

Dear Toni-

I am a 58 yr old male (separated, about to be divorced) who has been steadily dating a divorced (4yrs ago) 50 yr old woman for just over a year. We had been acquaintances for a number of years while she was married, but had minimal contact with one another during that time. Before we started going together she had a profile on a popular dating site. However, she subsequently hid her profile because we had agreed to not date others due to our intimate involvement. However, she now says she has the "itch," wants to start dating again, and has changed her profile to active status. She sees no moral issue in being intimate with me while at the same time looking for and dating others. This really bothers me and she knows it, but I still love her. What should I do? --Being Played

Dear Being Played--

The answer here will not be found in what you "should" do, but what you want and need to do with this relationship. Your friend has been upfront with you that she is feeling restless and wants to leave herself open to the possibility of dating other men. At the same time, she is fine with remaining intimate with you while continuing her search for other compatible men. Therefore, it will be up to you to decide what you can and cannot accept in order to remain in this relationship. What you feel for her may not be enough to outweigh the terms that she has set for a continued relationship. It's clear she has no intention of giving up her freedom in order to be with you, so you need to figure out if you want a relationship that includes other men. Sorry, but she has thrown to ball into your court and it's up to you to make the play.

(from January 2011)

Want to read other columns on this subject?

"In love with a sexual addict"
List of more
"Relationship Challenges"

"Hinting about wanting to end relationship"


Toni Coleman, LCSW
Phone: 703-847-1768


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