Is love at first sight just biology?

Researchers have found that people decide if someone is a potential mate within the first three minutes of a first date. Interestingly enough this is also true of folks who feel an instant rapport on a friendship level- these relationships tend to become close and lasting.

What’s key to these attractions appears to be biological, not logical as studies using animals have found. Apparently animals are drawn to those they are genetically compatible with. While there may be differences between humans and other animals, it’s certainly interesting to contemplate. Apparently these genetic similarities lead to an ability to know that this is the one. Certainly nature has a careful balance, and this programmed attraction may be designed to help the species thrive.

Therefore, there may be something to love at first sight, even though many happy and healthy unions needed more time to grow into something more and not everyone believes in this phenomenon. Interestingly, guys experience instant attraction more often, probably because they are so visual. Women need to know more about what is under that attractive exterior, so their attraction grows slower.

Does this mean that you should not have that second date if you didn’t feel this person is the one? Absolutely not. As a dating and relationship coach, I have encouraged folks to try second and third dates when they felt neutral about the person- not turned off, but not wowed either. What I have seen is that many of those first so-so dates lead to long-term and happy relationships.

Author: Toni Coleman

Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC is an internationally recognized dating and relationship expert and founder of Her expertise is sought frequently by local and national publications and top ranked dating and relationship websites and she has been a guest on a number of radio and TV programs. She is the featured relationship coach in “The Business and Practice of Coaching,” (Norton, September 2005); the author of the forward for, “Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life, One Touchdown at a Time;” (Simon and Schuster, November 2005) - and her popular relationship articles can be found in several magazines and a number of self- help, personal growth and dating/relationship websites. Toni holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work, is a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Virginia, and earned a certification in life coaching.

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